Do you feel that people don’t like you, despite your best efforts to impress them? If this sounds familiar to you, you aren’t alone. Many people have to deal with not being liked, but there is something you can do about it. You may not even be aware of your behaviors and bad habits that prevent you from making a great impression on new people and that may distance you from old friends.
You may blush, as you recognize yourself in some of the reasons why people don’t like you, live in denial of being #18, or even make it all the way to #20 before you understand why you just don’t click with other people.
No matter what behaviors you engage in, we’ll help you stop doing the wrong thing and get you on track to being the trusted confidant of everyone you meet. Read on to find the top 20 reasons people don’t like you and how you can change your behavior and your life to become everyone’s new best friend.
1. It’s all about You
When we meet new people, we can easily get excited and want to share all of the things we are interested in or new projects we are working on, but one sided conversations can instantly distance people. In established relationships, it’s okay to have one-sided conversations from time to time, but if you can’t remember the last time you asked your friends about themselves and don’t know what they like and dislike, then you’ve got to stop talking about yourself and start asking questions that encourage your friends to open up and talk about themselves.
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2. You Interrupt When Others Speak
Learning how to really listen while other people speak without interrupting them or cutting them off is a skill. When you interrupt people, not only are you being rude, you are also sending the message that what other people have to say is not important to you. Even if think you know what they are going to say, allowing your friends the time to finish their thoughts will let them know you are genuinely interested in them.
3. You Don’t Reply Promptly
Digital connectivity has made the ability to communicate easier and faster, except when you don’t take the time to reply to texts, messages, emails or phone calls. Making your friends wait to hear back from you, sends the message loud and clear that they are not important to you. You can always find a minute to reply to a message or call, and if the answer requires more time than you currently have, you should just send the message “I will write later,” or “call back later.”
4. You Exaggerate and Boast Your Achievements
Sharing your successes with friends is normal and healthy, but if you find yourself constantly bragging about yourself or may be even exaggerating, your friends will distance themselves from you. Bragging is annoying even when you have made a real accomplishment, but combined with exaggeration it is doubly annoying. Learn to talk about your victories and achievements truthfully, calmly and with dignity, so you don’t distance your friends and create negativity.
5. You Mumble
If your friends have a hard time hearing you or understanding what you are saying they won’t ever get to have a real conversation with you and get to know you. You know you are a mumbler if people are asking you to repeat yourself or asking you to speak up. Start practicing standing up tall, speaking louder, but not too loud (see #6) with everyone you speak to.
6. You Are Loud
If there’s anything worse than a mumbler, it’s someone who is too loud. You should speak at a level so that the people you are speaking to can hear you, not the people across the room. Speaking too loudly makes your friends think you are challenging and aggressive and probably gives people a headache, which is why they avoid you if you speak too loudly.
7. You Don’t Make Eye Contact
If you have a hard time looking people in the eye when you have a conversation it makes people think you are a liar. Whether or not you are a liar, is another story, but the physical cue of making eye contact during a conversation, not only indicates that you are a sincere person, but also trustworthy and open, and lets people know that you care about them. You’ll know if you been distancing people by not making eye contact, if when you look into other people’s eyes it makes you uncomfortable, practice making brief eye contact consistently throughout conversations with everyone you meet and it will get easier.
8. You Use Too Much Cologne or Perfume
The problem with using too much cologne or perfume, is that you are usually the last one to know that people can literally smell you before they see you. While your scent might be your favorite, be aware that it can be very unpleasant to other people and cause them to sneeze or give them a headache. Use scents sparingly especially if they contain strong aromas, as only someone who is standing very close to you should be able to notice your scent.
9. You Act Superior
Acting superior or like you are better than other people, will not only get you no friends, but will leave you open for criticism, when you make mistakes. Learning how to have compassion for other people, and learning to consider other perspectives make you a wiser and more valued friend, especially when your friends are going through tough times.
10. You Don’t Keep Your Word
When you don’t keep your word, people will avoid you and think you are untrustworthy. While you make have good intentions when you make promises and tell people you are going to do something and then be busy or overwhelmed when it is time to deliver, the result is still the same, you can’t be counted on. Instead of making empty promises, be realistic about what you can and can’t do, and be honest and say “no” if you can’t do something. While people may not like to hear the word no, it is better to be honest and have them respect you, than to not show up or do the things that you said you would.
11. You Make Noise When You Eat and Drink
Making noises while eating and drinking isn’t just annoying to some people, it can literally turn stomachs. If you are always at the table, chewing and talking and slurping drinks, you’ll notice that you probably sit alone. When you eat and drink, take your time, and use your table manners, pace yourself so you are eating at the same pace as your companions, take small sips of drinks, chew with your mouth closed and don’t ever speak with your mouth full.
12. You Are A Gossip
There’s a fine line between catching up on friends and acquaintances and being a gossip. If all of your conversations are about other people’s lives, decisions and drama, chances are pretty good you are a gossip. Once you start to talk about others and spread rumors, you lose the confidence of friends. Not only is anecdotal information misleading, gossiping makes you seem nosey and judgemental. While you may enjoy a few exciting conversations, everyone who hears you gossiping about others, fears that sooner or later they too will be your next topic. Being able to talk about something other than gossip, will also make you more interesting, so start catching up on current events.
13. You Don’t Show Up For Others
People do not like it when you don’t show up for them, especially if you expect them to show up for you. So if you turn down invites or don’t celebrate special occasions or holidays with your friends, chances are good that is part of why people don’t like you. While you don’t have to over commit and attend every event, make sure you are there for the important ones and when you can’t attend make sure you explain why and apologize.
14. You Are Rude
Are the words; “please” “thank you” and “excuse me” part of your vocabulary? Do you use them a lot? If the answer is no, then you are probably perceived as a rude person. Being polite and asking for things nicely indicates that you don’t expect people to do things for you and thanking people for even the smallest gestures shows that you have gratitude for their presence in your life. People are much more likely to think of you as generous and kind when you always use your manners.
15. You Forget Birthdays
If you don’t know when your friends or family members birthdays are, people won’t like you because they’ll think you are thoughtless and don’t care about them. Keep track of the birthdays of the important people in your life and set a reminder so that you can buy a gift or send a greeting to let them know that their special day is important to you, because they are important to you.
16. You Are Tactless
Asking inappropriate questions or making inappropriate comments puts people in an uncomfortable position and ultimately embarrasses you. If your comments interrupt conversations and make people turn red, it’s time to learn how to be considerate, and tone down your conversation. Remember that you don’t need to know every detail about events, especially if you make people feel uncomfortable, simply changing the conversation doesn’t work if you are tactless, you have to apologize and make amends for you bad behavior too.
17. You Are Sloppy and Messy
Is your house, car and office a cluttered mess? Are your clothes wrinkled or stained, is you hair greasy and unwashed? If the answer is yes, than chances are good you are sloppy and messy. If you present yourself as sloppy and messy, you’ll be perceived as lazy and unable to take care of yourself. Making the effort to keep your space clean and organized and presenting yourself as a neat put together person will help you to be more successful as you’ll be seen as someone who is organized and can take care of themselves. Taking pride in ourselves also delivers the message that we have self-esteem and confidence, which are very attractive qualities in friends.
18. You Don’t Respect Personal Space
Do people step away from you frequently when you have conversations with them? Are you always going for a hug with people trying to block you? If you answered yes, you are probably not respectful of other people’s personal space. At best invading other people’s personal space is seen as needy and clingy and at worst it can be seen as aggressive. In most work and social scenarios you should have at least an arm’s distance between yourself and the person you are speaking with, you should only stand very close to people that you know very well. If you ever have any doubt, simply ask,”am I too close”.
19. You Give Unsolicited Advice
Are you always giving advice, even to people who don’t ask for it?
Are you listening when someone tells you about their troubles or are you waiting to tell them what you think they should do? As a good friend, it isn’t always necessary to provide advice or solutions as it is to simply listen and be sympathetic.Before you give advice carefully consider whether your advice was asked for. It is not necessary to put your two cents and advice into every problem that people around you have. Often times when people tell us about challenges they face, they simply want someone to listen, so just say, “thank you for sharing, if I can help you, please let me know how”.
20. You are Smart, Beautiful, Successful
If you’ve made it to this one and you are not guilty of any of the 19 reasons why people typically don’t like others, you just might be smart, beautiful and successful. And people may not like you because they are envious of who you are. There isn’t much you can do about this one, except make sure you have friends who know that you a genuine, loyal and trustworthy person.